


It's Not Enough

by espioc



Series: It's Enough. [3]
Category: Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mech Preg, Other, Some Jazz, Some Ratchet, group beating, lost sparkling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 13:26:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3383207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/espioc/pseuds/espioc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blurr and Shockwave lose their peace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last part of the It’s Enough series (unless anyone wants more). I don’t think there will be any interface in this one, but we’ll see.

At eight and a half lunar cycles Blurr just wanted the sparkling out of him. His pedes hurt, he felt heavy, and achy, and irritable, and he felt like he wanted to interface _a lot,_ but when they got right down to it he just fell into recharge, or fell into recharge right in the middle of it. Shockwave found it funny while Blurr just thought it was annoying. He hadn’t over loaded in almost five lunar cycles, but he came close more than once, only to fall forward or fall back, out cold.

Today, however, Blurr was feeling particularly good. He got to nap and relax, and lay with his partner for most of the day. There was little to no kicking from the sparkling, and he didn’t feel like interfacing for once. He reveled in his day off from pain and bad moods, and horrible horniness that he could barely even go through with. Today he just felt good.

Shockwave hugged his bot closer, careful with the small mound of his mates belly. It hadn’t grown much since six lunar cycles, but it had grown a little. The larger of the pair kept a protective arm around his partner. Shockwave had been feeling a strange over the top need to protect his mate and sparkling, more than usual. It wasn’t uncommon for the sire to feel over protective, to feel obligated to keep the carrier safe, but for Shockwave this feeling was foreign. He’d never had anything like this, nothing that he felt this strongly for that any attempt to harm it would result in the attacker’s immediate and painful offline.

If anyone laid a servo on Blurr with the intention of harming him, Shockwave would not let them live.

After a while Blurr sat up, stiff from recharge but feeling the need to sit up as his joints began to ach “Do we have any energon?” he asked, optics half lidded from fatigue “I think I have to pick up my ration.”

“No need, I have enough for us both.” Said Shockwave, loosening his grip on the bot. Blurr sat up, his joints creaking as he climbed from the berth, unsteady with the sparkling bump weighing him down “I think I’ll go pick up my ration from the Autobots. At least I’m still entitled to that.”

Shockwave followed him to the door, trying to coerce the stubborn carrier to just rest, drink the energon they had, the sparkling would be coming any day now he shouldn’t be so active.

Blurr just scoffed “I’m fine,” he insisted “And I’m tired of being lazy. Who knows, maybe walking will trigger berth.” He laughed, not serious but wishing to Primus that he was. He just wanted that sparkling out, and he wanted it out soon.

Shockwave leaned down to his partner and was pulled into a kiss. Blurr smiled as he pulled away, “I’ll be fine,” he insisted “And I know you have to go to work anyways. You don’t want to upset Megatron again do you?”

“Megaton is no longer my number one priority,” Shockwave countered “You are the only thing my processor is set on these days. I don’t know how I can be useful when I am so busy worrying about you.”

“There’s no need to worry about me, I can take care of myself, you know that.”

“You cannot even run darling, what if something were to happen outside these walls, how would you get away?”

“You’re thinking in hypothetical, that’s not like you. I will be fine, I promise.” Blurr placed one last kiss before walking away. Shockwave followed, climbing into the elevator with him “Why don’t I carry you there? Walking is such a troublesome task for you isn’t it? You can walk back.”

Blurr sighed, knowing he would not win against the sire “Fine, if you want to carry me then go for it, I know you won’t stop bothering me if you don’t.”

As soon as they exited the building Shockwave transformed and allowed Blurr to climb atop his gun. The Blue bot sat cross legged on the massive weapon. He was slightly dissatisfied with the journey. Shockwave could travel quickly but not that quickly, and he was very large amongst the Autobot streets, drawing attention that Blurr did not need.

When they reached their destination Blurr climbed off and Shockwave transformed, dwarfing most of the other bots around. He knelt down and demanded a kiss which Blurr quickly delivered, then turned his head away, a bit of heat flowing into his cheeks with embarrassment. Shockwave omitted a low rumble “I know you are embarrassed by me,” he stated, standing up straight “There’s no need to hide it from me, though I see no reason for you to continue listening to your Autobot colleagues.”

“It’s not like that” Blurr insisted, looking up at him but keeping himself pulled in a bit, as if trying to hide, keep attention away from himself.

Shockwave almost scoffed “Sure it isn’t.” he grumbled “No need to hide those feelings from me, I know them better than anyone. Have a nice time walking back.” Then he transformed and sped away, leaving Blurr surrounded by disapproving eyes. The former racer scurried inside the building , closely knit to all the rest. He collected his ration and left, speed walking down the half empty streets until there were no Autobots in sight, then he slowed down. His sore pedes stepped lazily down the way, Blurr finding himself in no hurry to return home. That argument had been short but effective. Shockwave _was_ an embarrassment, and every time he was with Blurr on the Autobot side of things Blurr didn’t want him to be. He wanted the little bump on his abdomen to disappear and for the mass walking behind him or beside him to be nothing but a buildings shadow. He didn’t want the Autobots to actually _see_ the Decepticon he’d fallen in love with, he just wanted them to know Shockwave was there, to fear him like the Decepticons of the past, because he was a Decepticon of the past. A very well known, old, and ruthless Decepticon of the past, one that was once rarely seen but now finds itself common place amongst the Autobots whenever Blurr wanders around the streets.

While Blurr did not mind the protective nature of his partner he wished, with great shame, that the protector was nothing more than an idea when he was with the autobots, not a physical being that they could scorn and jeer at Blurr for loving. The blue racer felt the heavy hand of shame fall on his chest whenever such thoughts crossed his mind.

Shockwave loved him unconditionally. He did not care for the other Decepticons opinions and would protect the smaller bot with his life, stick with him through better or worse and ignore the fruitless words of hate being thrown at them every day. He would follow Blurr through anything and keep him forever safe.

And how did Blurr repay such commitment?

With embracement and fear of what others think. It used to be easier to avoid the Autobot’s judgment, but now, as he carried Shockwave’s sparkling, things had come to light. He’d been sent death threats and hateful notes and was often yelled at by his former colleagues, people hated him with a burning passion. They called him a traitor, a Decepticon toy. Rumors went around that he interfaced with all of the Decepticons, that he was a prostitute used for pure entertainment and that the baby wasn’t even Shockwave’s.

All Blurr could do was ignore.

He cried when Shockwave wasn’t around and listened to every false statement, every lie, and he let it sneak into his processor like a voice opposite a conscience. His own processor telling him that he should have never done this, that maybe the Autobots had every right to hate him on the level that they did, that if this baby were to die it would be nothing but convenient for everyone.

Blurr tried to push back these feelings because that’s _not_ what he thought, but it was what everyone was telling him he should think. The blue racer withheld all of this from Shockwave. He knew that it would only cause an argument that they would never recover from. He assumed he could deal with this all on his own.

That assumption however, was beginning to lose ground.

As he walked home Blurr shook off these thoughts and made a great attempt to clear his mind. As he did, something hard hit him on the back of the head, taking the bot by surprise.

“Deceptcion scum!” someone roared as they zipped past.

Blurr rubbed the back of his head with a scowl, stopping to pick up what he’d been hit with. It was just a rough piece of dense scrap. He threw it into the ally beside him and kept walking. That had happened several times, a few things to the back of the head were nothing new to Blurr.

He was surprised when something else hit him though. He ignored the fallen object and kept walking until he was attacked again, this time being pushed to the ground. Before he could react his legs were grabbed and held in place as his head was being beaten with what felt like a metal rod. Cruel shadows fell over him as fists, rods and bricks pounded his body, crippling his knees and drawing blood from his helm. Blurr crumpled himself up into fetal position, trying to protect himself and the sparkling. He was barely conscience, almost knocked out by all the blows to his head. The group made several attempts to role him over, seeming to go straight for the sparkling. Blurr protested with all the strength he had left, screaming every once in a while over their rage. He didn’t know how long it lasted but the beating felt like ages, most blows being aimed at his head and stomach.

“Hey!” someone outside the horde yelled at the attackers, drawing their attention and chasing them off. A second later Blurr was sat up, finding himself in a pair of familiar arms, ones of someone who was not entirely against him.

“Blurr,” called Jazz, concern thick in his tone. Blurr didn’t answer, he couldn’t answer. The former speedster blacked out as Jazz rushed him to a nearby hospital.

They had to perform emergency surgery to get the sparkling out. It was essential so save both carrier and sparkling.

Blurr only got flashes.

He saw lights and heard yelling, muffled by damaged audio receptors, and there was energon dripping from his head and what seemed like everywhere else. He couldn’t move his legs and although he couldn’t hear, everything was so loud.

It was so loud.

 

* * *

 

  

“Is he going to be okay doc?” asked Jazz as Ratchet wiped down his instruments. The old doctor sighed “Contact Shockwave. Bring him here. Blurr will probably want to see him when he wakes up.”

“What about the sparkling?”

Ratchet let out another sigh “We-we’ll see about that…There’s no guarantee, it’s condition right now could go either way.”

Jazz nodded “When are you going to tell them?”

“As soon as what’s going to happen happens.”

Jazz shook his head, heading towards the door “I’ll bring in Shockwave.” He mumbled.

“Oh, and Jazz,” called Ratchet “Try to keep him calm when you bring him in. We don’t need someone as large as him going on a rampage.”

“I’ll try doc, but you know I can’t promise anything.”

“I know.”

 

* * *

 

  

Shockwave stormed into the hospital, Jazz not far behind.

“Shockwave!” called the Autobot “calm down! Getting angry isn’t going to help anyone.”

“Where is he?” Shockwave demanded, trying his hardest to keep calm “I want to see him _now!”_

“He’s in stasis right now. Shockwave, I know you’re angry man, but keep it calm, you’re in a hospital.”

The Decepticon visibly calmed, the tenseness releasing from his frame. Jazz lead the large bot to a room off to the side, set up for grieving bots waiting for their mate, or sparkling, or friend “What of the sparkling?” asked Shockwave sitting in the dim lit room “H-how is it? Was it injured?”

“That has yet to be determined.” Answered Jazz, taking a seat across from him.

“Why are you withholding that information from me?” Shockwave challenged, knowing fully well that Jazz knew more than he was putting out.

Jazz new Shockwave would be persistent “They don’t know which way it’ll go. It could get better…It could not.”

“It could die.” Shockwave stated bluntly

Jazz half scowled “Yes…it could die.”

“…Can I see it?”

“No.”

“Is that really for you to decide?”

“Yes.”

“I want to see the doctor in charge. I would like to know what is exactly wrong with my partner.”

“He’ll be in to see you soon. He’s got other things to deal with right now. I can promise you, Blurr is stable, he’s in no danger. The attackers took out his knees and the damage to his helm was sever but fixable. They had to perform emergency surgery to save the sparkling and the Carrier. You can’t always save both though. Blurr won’t be waking up for a while.”

“…Will he be able to walk?”

“Not for a while, but yes, he will still be able to walk at the end of his recovery.”

“How long will that be?”

“I don’t know.”

They sat in silence for the rest of the time, Shockwave waiting patiently for the answers to any questions he might have.

The Decepticon sat patiently from evening to night until daylight bled over the city and shone through the window of the waiting room. By that time Ratchet’s hand were empty and he was coming to confront the upset bot whose partner lay in stasis only a few doors down.

“Shockwave,” Ratchet greeted as he entered the room, dismissing Jazz who had waited there all night as well “I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

“How is the sparkling?” Shockwave asked immediately.

Ratchet was taken aback slightly. He wasn’t expecting to answer that question so soon, and he especially didn’t want to be around when Shockwave found out. Ratchet remained stoic, however, and answered the question “Not well,” he admitted, a somber tone taking the place of an emotionless one “We’re afraid--” it was difficult even for Ratchet to spit out “We’re afraid it might not last another night.” Ratchet looked through the date pad in his hand “Judging by the damage inflicted on Blurr it appears as though the sparkling was the attacker’s main target. We don’t know who they were, Jazz will be going into questioning later today. Hopefully we can find out who did this.”

“Why did the gestation chamber not protect the sparkling better?”

Ratchet wasn’t entirely sure, his assumption was as good as Shockwave’s, but he answered the question as best he could “It could have something to do with his frame type. He was meant to race so his gestation chamber, even while carrying, was thin, giving less protection to the sparkling. The energon layer that’s supposed to be like a shock absorber was minimal in his body. The sparkling was not fully protected.”

“…I assumed as much…Can I see it?”

Ratchet had to consider it for a moment “Yes,” he said “I’ll bring you to the incubator.”

The old doctor lead the Decepticon to his sparkling. He left Shockwave alone.

The large being knelt before the incubator.

Shockwave had lived for many years. Millions of Stellar cycles filed his data banks, and never, in all of those years, had he seen anything more beautiful than the tiny, bruised sparkling that lay under a thin layer of glass, barely holding onto life as it’s vents switched on and off, trying to support it’s tiny beating spark. It’s optics remained off line but it’s tiny servos twitched.

The tiny creature was a dim purple, it’s small details matching the carrier it came from. It had two eyes and three sharp fingers, and tiny horns beside it’s aerodynamic head piece. It was precious and it was broken, it’s frame was cracked and it’s spark was showing. The small beating blue light was dying, and it would not be wrong to think that this sparkling would die with no designation.

Shockwave thought it better to not name it. He would not want Blurr to get entirely attached to something he would inevitably lose. The Decepticon tried his hardest not to care, but he could not avoid it. This was his sparkling, it was going to die, but it should not have to.

He wanted to touch it. He wanted to hold it in his arms, raise it and love it. He wanted to spoil it rotten in the first years of life it would never get, and he wanted to show it a world where peace was not only an idea, but a reality.

But he could never show it those things.

Because it had already experienced the prejudice and hatred this world breeds, and it would not live to see a world where sparklings such as itself did not have to die.

Shockwave was beginning to fear that he would never see that world either.

He placed a hand atop the incubator, never taking his eye off of his sparkling “May you travel to Primus safely,” he whispered “And become one with a heavenly allspark like you so rightfully deserve.” He then stood and left the room, a deep, blunt pain sneaking into his chest. He did not want to leave, and he did not want the sparkling to die.

But he had to, and it would, so he thought it best to keep the tiny sparkling as a memory and nothing more, and hoped, for once in his life, that Primus truly existed so that the sparkling had somewhere better to go.

 

* * *

 

  

Two days later Shockwave was allowed entry to Blurr’s room. Blurr was supposed to wake up that day. No one was anticipating that moment.

When Blurr did wake up it was with a start. He shot from the berth, wide eyed, the last thing he remembered sending panic through his system. “Shockwave,” he breathed, frantically looking around the room as his mate eased him back into the berth “You are safe,” stated the larger calmly “You are in the hospital.”

Blurr looked down at himself “The sparkling,” he whispered, realizing that he was no longer carrying “Where’s the sparkling?” tears were already fighting there way out in fear of the answer.

The sparkling had passed away this morning.

Shockwave did not answer, causing a crack of panic to shoot through the already frightened Carrier “Tell me it’s alright Shockwave,” Blurr begged, his voice weak. Shockwave remained silent. He did not want to say it, and he knew that Blurr would find out on his own, if he didn’t know already.

“Tell me it’s alright!” cried the blue bot, sitting up again, and throwing a tiny fist at his mate. Shockwave caught the small wrist easily, keeping it in a light iron grip “Tell me it’s alright! Tell me it’s alright you monster! Tell me…” Blurr sobbed, giving away his other wrist and falling against his large mate’s chest “Tell me it’s not dead, Shockwave,” he whispered, tears staining the Decepticon symbol “Tell me it’s not dead, tell me they didn’t kill it, please, I need to hear it, I need to hear it-” his voice fell short, cracking with static as his body became weak in his partner’s arms.

Shockwave placed his mate back on the berth and listened as Blurr continued to whisper what he’d been yelling, tears slipping blindly past his audio receptors and dripping onto the pillow. A nurse came in a few moments later to induce stasis. He suggested that Shockwave leave, but the Decepticon politely refused. He would be staying with his mate for the duration of Blurr’s stay.

A few nurses and doctors came in during the night to run some tests and check on the patient. Shockwave stayed awake for most of the night but ended up, at one point, falling into recharge in the dark of the corner. The room was kept dim, even in the day, with blinds half lidded and blue walls lit by a single light on the opposite side of the room.

In the night one of the only lights was that from the hall.

Shockwave sat before the berth, watching his distressed partner sleep still for once. As he stared Jazz came through the door holding two cups of energon “I thought you might need this.” He said quietly, handing Shockwave the glass and pulling up a chair “I heard he didn’t take the news well.” Said the Autobot, staring down at his friend.

“Would anyone?” said Shockwave, placing his glass on the floor.

“Hm, I suppose not…How are you doing with all of this?”

“Well enough I suppose, there were many possibly circumstances-- there were many things I could have done to prevent this.”

“Oh, now don’t start thinking like that. I hate to say it, but I feel like something like this would have happened eventually…No one would think of messing with you, but Blurr? Well, let’s just say he wasn’t meant to fight on the front lines.”

Shockwave tensed “It did not have to die.” He rumbled, trying to keep his temper in check.

Jazz looked up at the Decepticon. While he had always hoped for peace one day, it felt strange speaking to a Decepticon so casually, especially one of Shockwave’s calibre. It felt especially weird to be comforting a distressed Decepticon who just lost his sparkling. A sparkling that was once carried by one of Jazz’s own comrades. But, despite it’s taboo feeling, Jazz held nothing ill against his long time friend, and took no real disapproval when it came to Shockwave. The Decepticon treated Blurr well, he was a better bot than the media and history made him out to be.

“You really care for him don’t you?” asked Jazz, watching as Shockwave’s optic never left the slumbering speedster.

“I would not be here if I did not.” Shockwave answered quietly. After a long pause he spoke again “Do you know who did this?” he asked, still refusing to look anywhere but his partner.

“…I think I saw enough to get a good idea.” Jazz answered hesitantly “But I’ve been ordered not to tell you, if that was your next question.”

“I assumed, considering my less than desirable reputation. I can’t say I wouldn’t desire—revenge.”

“Well you’ll get it—in court.” Jazz emphasized the ‘court’ just in case Shockwave thought anything otherwise “Whoever did this is being charged with murder,” explained the guardsman “And destruction of property, and dishonoring the peace treaty. They’ve got a lot of charges under their belt, so they’ll get what they deserve.”

“They deserve to die,” Shockwave rumbled, attempting to keep the statement to himself but failing to do so. Jazz scowled at him “A lot of people thought you did too, but here you are. You’re not the only one out there getting hurt these days, we can’t solve everything through killing it.”

Now Shockwave removed his optic from Blurr, and faced the large red light towards Jazz “I never killed sparklings.” He growled slowly, then turning his head back to Blurr and continued “And I only ever killed who needed to die. That was a lot less bots than everyone thinks it was.”

Jazz had two words “Ultra Magnus.” He challenged.

Shockwave lifted his head but did not turn it “Tell me Jazz,” he started, now going to look at the Elite Guardsman “Where would this world be if Ultra Magnus had remained?”

Jazz looked down at Blurr. His broken body was hidden under a blanket but anyone could see the pain in his face, even as he recharged. Jazz shook his head a little “Not in a much better place.”

 

* * *

 

  

Blurr woke up more than once in his first week. He did not speak to Shockwave. Instead he stared at the wall, thinking about nothing, and wanting nothing more than to hold his little sparkling, but knowing that he couldn’t.

“Did it suffer?” he asked in a weak voice, one week after the incident. He strained his neck to look at Shockwave “Was it—in pain?”

Shockwave wanted to say ‘yes’ because it probably was. He wanted to tell Blurr what the sparkling had probably gone through, because that was the answer to the question. But he couldn’t, because Blurr was already on so much pain, it was not Shockwave’s job to add on more.

So he gave the answer Blurr wanted to hear

“No.”

 

* * *

 

  

Blurr didn’t want to move.

He didn’t want to speak, but they made him

He didn’t want to walk, but they made him

He didn’t want to go home, but they made him

And home was no better than anywhere else. It was an empty room with an empty berth and an empty office, full of empty words and promises that Shockwave had given him, telling him that everything will pass in time and that they could try for another someday, and that Blurr would have a sparkling and this time nothing would harm it.

But Blurr didn’t want another sparkling. He wanted _that_ sparkling, he wanted the one he’d already carried and thought up names for, and already loved despite the pain it brought him to carry. He wanted the sparkling they were supposed to have, the one he never got to see and shouldn’t have died. He wanted the sparkling that Shockwave had already given him, and someone else had already taken away.

Blurr knew that sitting around, laying in his bed while he was supposed to be working his knees and not thinking about anything, wouldn’t help anything. But the blue racer could not will himself to move. He couldn’t get up out of the bed and be active like he used to be, he couldn’t recharge, he couldn’t interface, he couldn’t refuel, he couldn’t run, and he couldn’t try to have another sparkling.

Everything hurt.

His body ached, but not only from the beating. He couldn’t lift himself from the berth, his body didn’t want him to, it wanted the distressed Carrier to lay in the berth until he was offline. Blurr couldn’t say he minded too much, at this time being offline sounded like a dream, a very achievable dream that Blurr had considered more than once.

But he couldn’t offline himself.

He couldn’t devastate his partner like that, he couldn’t ruin any chance of having a family someday. He wanted to live.

Just not right now.

 

* * *

  

When Blurr and Shockwave did start interfacing again it was almost two lunar cycles after the incident. The interface was nothing. It did not feel particularly good to either, it was not an attempt to get sparked, it was meant for stress relief but ended up relieving no stress.

They did it in the dark, only the dark, and only every once in a while one of them overloaded. The first time Blurr overloaded in seven lunar cycles he began to sob. He didn’t know why but for some reason it was as though he didn’t want it to happen.

A few nights in Shockwave filled his mate with an overload, then pulled out and stood up, leaving his limp partner exhausted on the berth, already falling into recharge.

Blurr knew that Shockwave left at night. Even through his dazed state he knew that Shockwave went out at night after interface and came back just the slightest bit tipsy. Blurr knew that Shockwave acted stoic about the loss of the sparkling, but Blurr knew better. Shockwave was almost as devastated as Blurr, but Shockwave had different ways of dealing with it.

The two had barely spoken since the sparkling died. They interfaced, recharged, then Blurr woke up to an empty berth, sometimes sore from the night before. The two only ever saw each other at night.

Four lunar cycles after the incident Blurr was ready for change.

The morning after another round of meaningless interfacing Blurr caught his partner before he left “Shockwave.” He called to his mates back “I think we need to talk.”

The tank paused, looking over his shoulder to the bot on the berth. He turned fully to the speedster “What would you like to discuss?” he inquired, taking a few steps towards the berth.

“I think-” Blurr hesitated, he didn’t know what he wanted to say “I don’t think we should keep going like this. We can’t keep ignoring each other and going off and doing our own thing, it’s death hurt both of us…we should deal with it together.”

Shockwave cocked his head to the side, coming ever closer to the berth “What would you have us do?” he inquired, almost open to the idea.

Blurr half scowled “Well first, I want you to stop going out every night and getting over charged.” Blurr demanded, then lightening a bit “I know it’s—hard, but…” he trailed off, unsure of what he was trying to say really. He just didn’t want Shockwave to take it too far, and if they continued like this, he might.

“I will stop drinking.” Shockwave agreed, kneeling before the berth “I will do whatever you see fit at the moment. Your loss was greater than mine.”

Blurr was taken aback by the statement. Letting Blurr take the lead in anything was something that just didn’t happen. The speedster threw himself forward, hugging his partners head as Shockwave wrapped protective arms around his waist “Our loss was equal,” Blurr corrected quietly “We both lost the sparkling, and now I’m ready to try for another.” Blurr took a deep breath, tears slipping from his optics without his permission “I want you to give me a sparkling Shockwave.” Whispered the carrier, not entirely expecting what happened next.

“Then you shall have it,” Shockwave rumbled, leaning his lover back into the berth and climbing over him.

It was slow but went quickly. Shockwave allowed himself an overload as the sparks met, hopefully filling his partner with another sparkling.

When they finished Shockwave pulled out, his claws encased in small hands that refused to let him go. Dazed and tired Blurr clung to his mate, desperate to have him stay. Shockwave leaned down to his partner, running the back of a claw lightly over the pale face plate “Rest now darling,” he whispered “Tomorrow you will be carrying again.” With that he was gone, leaving his partner alone and desperate.

Blurr fell into recharge only a few moments later, hoping, with all his might, that this time Primus would be kinder.

 

* * *

  

A week later Ratchet looked over the results. He looked to Blurr, then back to the data pad.

“I’m—surprised,” he started somber disappointment sneaking into his tone. His voice was mostly dead pan but surprise flicked in as well “You are—carrying, Blurr. But I can’t guarantee this one will be as healthy as the last. It was conceived fairly quickly.”

“It’s been four Lunar cycles Ratchet.” Blurr said quietly “I had to do something to bring us together.”

Ratchet closed down the data pad and placed it on the table “A sparkling isn’t always the answer.”

“It was the only thing I could think of.”

Ratchet shook his head for a moment before looking back to the young bot “How are you doing really, Blurr? You haven’t even gone to see a grief counselor.”

“Jazz has come by to talk to me.”

“Jazz isn’t a grief counselor.”

“I don’t need one.”

“Blurr, you may not feel like you don’t, but it does help. You lost your sparkling, Blurr, nobody but you knows what that feels like.”

“…Shockwave knows.”

“Shockwave wasn’t the one carrying it. If you say that you’re over it, or that you’re fine, you’re either lying, or being stupid. I’s possible the answer’s both.”

After he got no reply Ratchet let out a sigh “I just don’t want to see you get hurt even more, Blurr. A sparkling doesn’t always fix everything. Take my advice, kid, don’t rely on this little thing to fix all of your problems, because it won’t.”

Blurr kept his helm low. After a moment he hopped off the berth and headed towards the door “Thank you Ratchet.” He started “We’ll see.”

 

* * *

 

  

When Blurr returned home he took a nap and waited for Shockwave to arrive home at night. When the tank arrived Blurr was waiting for him in the living room. The racer had kept the lights off, seeing no reason to turn them on as daylight slipped away “I’m carrying.” He stated immediately, not hesitating for a greeting.

Shockwave found his mate in the dark, scooped him up and carried him to the berth. Blur continued to speak “Are you—happy about that?”

“I am.” Shockwave answered bluntly, placing his mate on the berth and laying beside him “Are you?”

Blurr didn’t know the answer. He wasn’t ready to have another sparkling. His body wasn’t ready, his mind wasn’t ready, but he was supposed to be having a sparkling, this was supposed to fix things.

So he gave the one he thought Shockwave wanted to hear

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> When I was first planning to write this part (before I got to writing) I was originally going to make it kind of happy, like the baby survives. Then I went, "Nah, lets do something better" This got sad, sorry about that. 
> 
> More of this will be produces upon request.


End file.
